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Sometimes smartphones are just too helpful for their own good. (Except when they seem to be playing dumb. Looking at you, Siri.)

One of the best examples of this is the often-annoying autocorrect feature. Autocorrect totally makes sense, in theory, especially given the inevitable fat-fingered typing on those tiny phone text keypads. But between autocorrect and that other helpful feature, autocomplete, your phone sometimes seems to be sabotaging your text communications, and hilarity ensues.

It's such a rampant problem that it quickly became an internet meme, with a number of websites springing up with some of the best of the worst mangled texts.

Of course, there's no shortage of boner jokes in this genre. Check out what happens when these innocent texts get Viagra-fied:

This one is truly epic.

Always take Mom's advice.

And be extra careful on Valentine's Day.

Sometimes, no matter how you try, you can't turn it off.

But like Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar - except when autocorrect gets a hold of it.

Looks like Viagra's not the only thing that needs a warning label about four-hour erections. A man is suing BMW, claiming one of its motorcycles gave him a case of priapism that has lasted two years. After riding the cycle in May 2010 for four hours, he developed an erection that wouldn't quit - and apparently still hasn't.

He blames the design of the seat, which rather than being wide and padded, is narrow and ridge-like, concentrating pressure and vibration at a delicate juncture. The plaintiff is suing BMW and the seat manufacturer, Corbin Pacific, for damages including lost wages, hospital bills, and emotional distress. He is reportedly still unable to have normal sexual relations.

It's times like that when you need a pill that works like Viagra in reverse.

While the case is unfortunate, and no doubt uncomfortable for the poor guy, it may bring some attention to an often overlooked cause of erectile dysfunction: motorcycle and bicycle riding, especially with unpadded seats. The pressure of the seat and the vibrations of the road can indeed cause impotence, which has been confirmed by studies. One Japanese study found some degree of ED symptoms in one-quarter of their sampling of regular motorcyclists.

Just goes to show, when it comes to putting the fun between your legs, there can be too much of a good thing.

It's Wednesday, mid-week. Need a little motivation to get you through to Friday? How about demotivation - plus some Viagra. Here are some of our favorites from around the web. There are a lot of demotivational poster sites around, but we're partial to the original, Despair Inc. Want to make your own sign? Head on over to their poster generator.

Here's a good case for never being caught without your Viagra: a 43-year-old German man found himself unexpectedly on a one-night stand gone wild. After meeting his partner, an apparently insatiable cougar four years his senior, in a Munich bar, the two repaired back to her apartment. There she put him through his paces...again, and again, and again.

She persisted even after the poor guy was exhausted, but "because he saw no other alternative, he complied with the woman's wishes another few times so he could finally leave the apartment," a police spokesman said.

So, that would be - what? seven, eight, ten times they got it on by then? Even after that, she still wouldn't let him go and blocked his exit from the apartment. Eventually he fled onto a balcony, where he took refuge and called for police. And when they arrived? - she tried to seduce them too.

Come to think of it, maybe Viagra was to blame for getting the guy into this mess to begin with. I mean, how could he physically perform that many times without some help? But even though Viagra might have raised her expectations of his stamina, there are reasonable limits to what it can do.

As for the woman, she's facing possible charges of assault and illegal restraint - and will probably be hearing from a few drug companies looking to harness the secret of her unstoppable libido for a female Viagra drug.

Looking to score a Viagra prescription? Not so fast, sonny. You'll have to get past these gals first:




Meet the Raging Grannies Action League Viagra Review Board, who support legislation requiring rigorous testing of any male seeking Viagra, including cardiac stress tests and evaluation by a sex therapist to ascertain that the patient's impotence is not psychological in nature. A number of such bills have been floated by female lawmakers across the country in response to bills limiting women's access to birth control and abortions.

I  love these ladies' humor and creativity. Look carefully at the photo and you'll see some whimsical details: That gavel is a meat tenderizer. One granny sports a Guy Fawkes neck-kerchief. That painting behind them looks suspiciously Georgia-O'Keefe-esque. I'm not sure, but I think one of them might be wearing a navy blue Snuggie. And look at all those awesome hats.

Their point is serious though: They're all old enough to remember the days before Roe v. Wade, and are dedicated to making sure our country doesn't regress into the Dark Ages before women's reproductive freedom.

Even if they are trying to take away your Viagra, they still look like they'd be a lot more fun to hang out with than these guys:

Most Viagra ads are pretty tame, especially in the US. The spiciest thing might be a middle-aged couple dancing Salsa. But Pfizer's tried to venture out of the box a few times and gotten creative. Like this ad, with a badass dude driving a muscle car.



The spot features a '69 Camaro (yeah, 69 - wink, wink, nudge, nudge), being driven across a dusty, desolate stretch of road. Steam begins to come from under the hood: Houston, we have a problem. But, as our commercial voiceover narrator explains, this man knows how to handle anything and not get thrown. He's in control and knows exactly what to do.

He pulls into a beat-up gas station, pops the hood, confidently strides to the cooler for a large bottle of water. After taking a swig and brushing past the service station's aged owner, he pours the remainder of the bottle into the radiator, and roars off down the highway: destination, suburban bedroom, and presumable one hot suburban soccer mom.

So, what's wrong with this sequence? Members of a couple of online classic car forums were quick to point out some logistical and technical flaws. First, you don't take a radiator cap off a hot engine - that's a good way to end up with second degree burns or worse. Wait for it to cool down. Next, pouring chilled water into an overheating engine? What?! You could crack your engine block. And also it would generate a huge plume of steam. And was that mineral water he poured in there? That's just wrong. Not because real men don't drink mineral water, but because minerals are one of the last things you'd want going in your engine.

As the car guys point out, if the car is supposed to be some sort of analogy for how your body operates and how to treat it, this ad is sending the wrong message.

The bottom line: don't get your car repair advice from a Viagra ad, any more than you would consult your car mechanic about your sexual "hydraulics".

Gotta say though, the soundtrack is solid. You really can't go wrong with Howlin' Wolf.

Still looking for a last-minute Valentine's gift for your sweetie? How about something that does double duty, like these Viagra candy hearts. It's a safe bet that this story, about Pfizer giving out low-dose Viagra tablets in the shape of candy conversation hearts as a Valentine's promotion, is bogus, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for Pfizer to mix up their branding and packaging a bit.


Here's an idea that would let them keep their trademark blue diamond shape: partner with General Mills Foods and release Lucky Charms Viagra. They'll just need to make pills in the shapes of yellow moons, green clovers, pink hearts, orange stars, and maybe a couple other things they added in the cereal since I was a kid. The ad slogan writes itself: Get Lucky in Love.

Viagra for lunch? No, it's not the businessman's quickie. Some restaurants aren't shy about putting Viagra namesakes on the on the menu - and apparently diners aren't that shy about ordering them either.

Kanes Diner in Queens offers a Viagra Steak, a marinated skirt steak cooked to melt-in -your-mouth tenderness. The diner's owner, George Kanes, says the that the steak is "always a happy ending," while the chef claims the way he seasons the beef is "best for love life".

Patrons seem to be satisfied in the dining room, if not in the bedroom, and Kanes takes his own "medicine", eating four of the steaks per month.

Another establishment featuring Viagra victuals is Mr. Bartley's Gourmet Burgers in Cambridge, Massachusetts. This nostalgic eatery near the Cambridge campus serves up specialty burgers with famous namesakes like the cheesy "Mitt Romney" and the hot and spicy "Michelle Obama". Their Viagra Burger comes topped with blue cheese dressing and bacon - nothing that provocative, but a waitress reports that the orders provoke lots of giggling.

These blue plate specials sound like they belong in the Pfizer cafeteria, and considering how protective the company is of the trademark, I wouldn't be surprised if some of the Pfizer legal team dropped in for a bite and served up a cease and desist order to those chefs.

Half of the fun of tuning in to the Super Bowl is watching the commercials, as companies go all out to debut new advertising campaigns and products. Here's a commercial we'd like to have seen, for a product you won't see on the shelves any time soon: Viagra Doritos.



This commercial break comes to you courtesy of NMA (Next Media Animations), a Taiwanese animation house best know for their hilarious, often surreal and demented CGI recreations of current news stories.

Nice concept for marketing synergy, but it does overlook a potential problem: Doritos breath can be a real mood-killer.

Everyone who's taken Viagra, or even seen a commercial for it, knows that an erection lasting four hours or longer, no matter how entertaining, is a sign you should see your doctor. Well, what if you had a stiffy 24/7. And a bad tattoo on it to boot.

Such was the dilemma of a young Iranian man whose case was recently written up and has the distinction of being "the first known case of nonischemic priapism following penile tattooing."

He had his peter engraved with his girlfriend's initial and Persian script reading borow be salaamat (that translates to "good luck on your journeys" not "borrow my salami"). Well, now his schlong is boldly going into a medical journal and urological infamy.

While penis tattooing isn't the wisest choice, the problem this guy encountered is a relatively rare occurrence. The tattoo artist used a heavy duty needle and a traditional middle eastern tattooing method that involves jabbing through the skin by hand, not with a machine that would allow for depth control, then rubbing in the coloring agent. The punctures caused fistulas and bleeding into the penile tissues - and no doubt a world of hurt both during and after.

The internal damage lead to an inter-penile aneurism, and blood began to pool in his member until it reached a permanently erect state. Doctors advised him to have the blood removed, but he opted for a shunt procedure, which failed. Since he's no longer in pain, and can function normally otherwise, he's refused further treatment - perhaps understandable given the amount of genital trauma he's endured.

As the authors of the medical article astutely conclude: "Tattooing should be added to the etiologies of nonischemic priapism. Considering this case, we discourage penile tattooing." It can also be added as an effective but inadvisable cure for erectile dysfunction.