He turned to Viagra to overcome low self-esteem...but found himself
hitting a new kind of low when he couldn't stop his habit.
My name is Jack, and I'm a Viagraholic. Although I can admit it to myself and others now, for so long I was ashamed to look my problem in the eye, let alone give it a name.
Looking back, I can see the root of my problems in my childhood and adolescence. A small boy, I was always picked on in school and became highly competetive as a result. Although I excelled in many areas, high school was sheer torment for me, especially the teasing I got in the locker room and showers after PE and sports. You see, although my penis is more than average-sized when erect, it looks quite small when flaccid. I'm a "grower," not a "shower," but there was no way my classmates could know that, and so they tormented me ruthlessly.
Through college and into young adulthood, I bore the scars of these early experiences. My self-esteem was terrible, and I always felt inadequate. Due to my shyness around women, I rarely got dates, and when I did have sex I was amazed that the girl didn't laugh me out of bed. My self-consciousness inhibited my sexual performance, which made me feel even worse. The negative voices inside my head were almost unbearable.
It was a coworker at my office who first introduced me to Viagra. I had made a passing and somewhat bitter remark about my difficulties with women, and he said he had a "magic pill" that could help. Of course, I had heard of Viagra before - it just hadn't occurred to me that I could take it. I took one of the blue pills he offered me and called up my girlfriend at the time and invited her over for dinner. Twenty minutes before she arrived, I took the pill. We never cooked dinner that night. We had sex at least 7 times (I lost count) until we finally collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. My girlfriend was amazed! I knew I had to get more of those pills.
Like many guys who buy Viagra, I ordered some online. I made up a story about having erectile dysfunction. I knew I shouldn't lie, but I couldn't help it...I needed to get those pills. When I had used them all I got anxious. I had to get more! My girlfriend was starting to complain that all I wanted to do was have sex. I started to lose my focus at work, because I was obsessing about getting more Viagra. I sat in my cubicle all day surfing online pharmacy sites, trying to find the best deals on generic Viagra. My boss caught me at it and I got a warning, but I didn't care.
Soon I found I couldn't (or wouldn't) have sex without taking Viagra first. My girlfriend got fed up with my behavior and dumped me. At this point you'd think I'd no longer have use for Viagra, but I kept taking it anyway. I couldn't stop. I took so much of it that I started missing work. I couldn't go into the office because I couldn't control my erections. When I lost my job, I just stayed home all day, taking Viagra and masturbating. With no income, I ran up my credit cards to pay for my Viagra. I was in a downward spiral with no way out.
My friend Ben finally told me about Viagraholics Anonymous. I quit taking Viagra long enough to attend my first meeting, and with their support, I've been Viagra free for one year and six months. I have a new job, a new girlfriend, and I am able to enjoy sex without Viagra for the first time in years. Viagraholics Anonymous gave me my life back.