Winning By a Head: Olympics to Ban
Viagra?By HARDY JOHNSON
ERSEY CITY — The international
sports world erupted in controversy yesterday as French Olympic
officials challenged Russian sprinter Ivando Yurkov's gold medal
in the 500-meter dash. The French delegation alleges that the
photo-finish victory was invalid because the Russian won the
race by the length of his
erect penis. Furthermore, the French
claim that the Russian trainers dosed Yurkov with Viagra to keep
his penis hard during competition, thereby giving him an unfair
advantage of 25 cm (nearly 10 inches).
"We've never had a situation like this before," said Olympic
Furbish. "Races have been won by a nose before, but never by a
In video of the race, a prominent protrusion from Yurkov's
shorts can be
seen breaking the waist-high ribbon at the finish line, as
medalist Pierre Pettit appears to match Yurkov stride for
Russian officials maintain that Yurkov earned his medal fair and
deny any hanky panky. "Ivando was just excited to be competing
in an Olympic
event," said Russian track coach Hugo Balsakski. "There is no
having a hard-on during the Games." Besides, the Russians
contend, even if
Yurkov had taken Viagra, the drug is not on the Olympic list of
"I guess Viagra could be considered a 'performance enhancing'
drug in one
sense and could be said to increase stamina," says sports
Dr. Harry Palmer. "But that's not really what the Olympics had
in mind when
they made up the list of banned drugs."
"Those sissy French are just jealous that Russian men are so
well-endowed," added Balsakski. "Have you ever seen the French
the locker room? They are hung like, how do you say...escargots.
women have bigger dicks than the French."
Yurkov could not be reached for comment. He is recovering from
and injuries sustained after being mobbed by dozens of female
fans after the
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