By HARDY JOHNSON
Viagra Pants Hide the Bone
AN FRANCISCO —
Levi Strauss has announced a new line of pants to be
introduced under its Dockers brand of sportswear. "Dockers
Viagra" are intended to meet what the company has identified as
a "growing need" among men.
"We did extensive research with focus groups," said company
spokeswoman Julene Atkinson, "And after asking thousands of men
to help us design the ideal pair of pants, we found that one of
the most commonly requested features was the ability to conceal
a state of male arousal."
Atkinson attributed this in part to an increase in usage of
the drug Viagra. "Many men told us that after taking the drug
and engaging in intercourse, they still have erect penises, even
after achieving orgasm. That can make it difficult for them to
get dressed and go about their business."
Viagra user and Dockers product tester Sam
Wygen confirms this. "After using Viagra the night before, my
morning hard-ons would last until lunchtime. Just try giving a
presentation to the whole marketing department while you're
pitching a tent in your shorts."
With that dilemma in mind, Dockers created trousers with a
specially constructed pouch and reinforced panel to contain the
erect member. "The panel is made of a firm but stretchy
material, which 'gives' while restraining the erect penis. In
addition, the pleated design creates a roomier front to conceal
the bulge, creating a smoother profile, while the pleats draw
the eye away from the erection itself."
For its Dockers Viagra, the company also employed an exclusive
microfiber fabric with a patented finish. "The material's fibers
absorb light in such a way that they minimize the distortions in
the fabric caused by the wearer's stiff dick, creating an
optical illusion in which the onlooker simply sees a flat
"They work amazingly well, and they're comfortable, too," said
tester Don Irvington, who experienced problems with prolonged
post-Viagra erections. "I'm able to walk around in public with
full-on boner and no one even notices," he said. "In fact, I
have a hard-on right now. No more lame excuses and calling in
'sick' when I can't get my schlong down."
Levi Strauss plans to make Dockers Viagra trousers available
at a retail price of $49.99, in traditional and relaxed cuts.
As for the proportions of the pants, Atkinson says that the
line was originally designed for men of average size, but the
company plans to release a supersized line that will
"accommodate men of more generous endowments."
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