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How to Pee with Morning Wood

Urinary Hacks for Women

Urinary Hacks for Women

Women have their own set of challenges when urinating. Most public restrooms are pretty gross, and port-a-potties - let's not even go there. Here are some no-contact peeing tips for when the facilities are less than hygienic - or when there are no facilities.

The Hover

A time-honored position, which no doubt gave birth to the homily "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seat-ie." Pull down your pants and underwear (being careful not to allow them to come in contact with the rim of the toilet), stand with your feet shoulder width apart, and situate your rear over the bowl. Because of the difficulty of precisely aiming and the variable pattern of the pee stream, this will leave droplets on the seat - which is why you had to hover in the first place - thus continuing the cycle. This pose also tones your quads, glutes, and abs.

The Travel Buddy

A variety of trough-shaped or funnel-like devices have been designed to allow women to urinate standing up. They're intended for camping and traveling, but they're also handy if you can't bring yourself to sit on a filthy toilet seat, or there's a line for the ladies bathroom and you're desperate enough to sneak into the men's. They also allow you to enjoy a heretofore male privilege: taking a casual leak behind a tree or dumpster. Most can be used through your fly - just push your underwear aside and position the device to catch the urine flow, then rinse it off when you're done.

The Squat

The sit-down toilet is a relatively modern invention, and many cultures around the world still prefer to answer nature's call in the squatting position. Climb up on the seat with a foot on either side, balance over the bowl, and let gravity take care of the rest. Don't attempt this while wearing heels.

DIY Urinary Device

You can make your own stand-up-to-pee device with a funnel and a length of rubber tubing. Keep one under the seat of your car for roadside "emergencies."

Going Commando

For the bold and adventurous. Some women claim to be able to urinate standing up - even through their flies - by tightly pulling up the skin around their pubic area. This brings their urethra up to a higher position. They say the trick is to hold everything just so, start off with a strong stream, and cut it off quickly at the end. This is probably easier if you're not wearing underwear. Better practice this one at home in the shower until you perfect it.