Viagra SPAM Recipes

To make a Viagra tablet mold, you will need a paperweight in the shape of a large Viagra pill (available on eBay) and a plastic container large enough to hold it with at least an inch to spare on all sides. (We used a 24 oz. container that measured about 7"x7"x3".) Lightly oil the surface of the paperweight or spray with nonstick cooking spray. Make sure the release agent gets into the lettering.

Melt 1 lb. of paraffin. Pour melted wax into the container to a depth of about 3/4". Let cool slightly. While wax is still soft, press the Viagra paperweight lettering side down into the mold. Press in about 1/4" - far enough so the wax fills the lettering, while still leaving a layer of solid wax at the bottom of the mold. Remelt remaining wax and pour carefully around the sides of the paperweight. Do not submerge paperweight in wax. Let cool at least 12 hours or until completely hardened.
 

To remove paperweight from mold, cut away any wax that has formed a "lip" over the edge of the paperweight. Run a sharp, thin knife around the edge of the mold. Invert and press down in the center until the paperweight falls out.

Spray Viagra tablet mold with nonstick cooking spray. Pour mixture into  mold. Chill for at least 2 hours or until firmly set, or as directed by your physician. Unmold and return to refrigerator before serving. Erectile dysfunction may occur if mousse remains at room temperature for too long.

Rinse uncooked rice until water is clear. Drain and let sit for 1 hour. Add two cups water and about 8 drops blue food coloring. Bring to boil, then turn to low heat and simmer covered for 20 minutes.

Turn rice into bowl and add rice wine vinegar. Turn rice with a wooden spoon or paddle to coat rice and cool. If possible, turn an electric fan on it or have a friend fan the rice to cool it as you turn it.
 

Cut Spam into 1/4-inch slices, then use a cardboard template to cut into Viagra-shaped pieces. Fry Spam in nonstick skillet until crispy and browned on both sides. If desired, marinate first in soy sauce and brown sugar mixture.

Cut nori sheets in strips and lay out shiny side down. With moistened hands, fashion rice into a Viagra pill-shaped form about 1/2 inch thick. Place on nori strip. Top with spam and another layer of sticky rice shaped like Viagra. Fold nori strip around the musubi and seal in place with water.

Follow directions on tempura batter package (use as directed by your doctor) to make about 2 cups of tempura batter. Add blue food coloring while mixing to achieve desired shade of blue (the coloring has no side effects). Do not overmix batter, or it may suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Dissect Spam into Viagra-shaped lozenges about 3 inches long and 1/2 inch thick. Dredge Spam tablets in flour to create an enteric coating.
 

Heat oil to around 340-370 degrees F. Use thermometer if possible to monitor oil temperature. (If temperature remains elevated for more than 24 hours, consult your physician.)

Using tongs or forceps, dip Spam in batter and shake off excess. Fry a few pieces at a time in oil so adhesions don't develop. Turn during frying. Extract using a wire skimmer and drain on paper towels on a wire rack.

Combine first four sauce ingredients into an oral solution. Sprinkle with bonito flakes if desired (bonito is considered by some to be an aphrodisiac and a good source of omega 3 fatty acids). Server Viagra Spam tempura with dipping sauce. Do not exceed recommended dosage.