Rush Limbaugh Announced as New Viagra Spokesman

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- NEW YORK  June 29, 2006 -- Pfizer Inc. today 
announced conservative talk radio commentator Rush Limbaugh has been signed as the 
new spokesman for the company's erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra (sildenafil 
citrate). Limbaugh went public with his use of the medication following a 
security incident June 26 at the Palm Beach International Airport. 

Limbaugh has long been a known supporter of the pharmaceutical industry. 
"We feel very fortunate to have Rush on board," said a Pfizer spokesperson. 
"I don't know why Purdue didn't snatch him up years ago." Purdue 
Pharmaceuticals manufactures the painkiller OxyContin. For his part, Limbaugh
says he looks forward to the partnership as an opportunity to represent the 
Hard Right with unflagging firmness. "I know there are those who have accused 
me of being inflexible in my views," he commented. "All I can say is, they have 
no idea how rigid I can be, thanks to this little blue bill." 

Limbaugh went on to extol the drug's efficacy. "I think everyone's aware of how 
I feel about Hillary. Now, I'm not saying I would ever go there, but let's say 
I'd be ready for the job. Give me an intern and I'd run circles around Bill Clinton." 
The radio show host reassured fans that his new role as Viagra spokesman won't cut 
into his on-air duties. "I'll continue to expose limp Liberal fallacies on all 
fronts," he said. 

Pfizer is hoping the Limbaugh "dittohead" following will give a boost to sales. 
"His listeners will buy into anything he says, so we're hoping that transfers into 
them buying our product. With a doctor's prescription, of course."

Previous Viagra spokesmen have included Senator Bob Dole and NASCAR driver 
Mark Martin. The addition of the controversial radio personality to the Pfizer 
stable seems to indicate the drug manufacturer intends to target an increasingly 
conservative demographic. 

However, Pfizer's representative denied reports that ultra-right-wing commentator 
and author Ann Coulter was also being wooed to push the erection-enhancing medication. 
"We feel that would be antithetical. As clinically effective as Viagra has proven to 
be, it has its limits."